Book Review: What He Must Be...

As a father raising children to become God-fearing, responsible adults, I have often wanted a manual, a play book for how to prepare my children for courtship, for selecting the God-fearing mate that has been prepared for them.  I have read a number books related to this subject and I find "What He Must Be: ...if he wants to marry my daughter" by Voddie Baucham, Jr. to be the easiest to read on the subject while compromising on nothing.  His thinking parallels that of Phil Lancaster in "Family Man, Family Leader," who I believe does a more through examination of the subject.  Yet, Mr. Baucham has produced a more direct book with more potential to change the way Christian fathers lead their families through the courtship process.  In the end I wholeheartedly endorse both books. I am more likely to hand any man "What He Must Be", and "Family Man, Family Leader" to those who are deeper thinkers.

Throughout the book, Mr. Baucham uses well researched statistics, numerous personal antidotes (which as particular value as he illustrates how God has saved his marriage from the troubled backgrounds of both he and his wife). More importantly he clearly illustrates the how God's Word applies to the institution of marriage.

Multigenerational Vision

Mr. Baucham writes not with the purpose of helping a man chose a daughter's mate. Nor is it about prearranged marriages. Instead he writes to help his readers learn what to look for in suitors and that daughters might be discerning about those who come calling, instead of allowing momentary, physical impulses to make life long decisions. He writes to encourage partnership between daughter and parents in the decision making process. He also writes to recognize our dependence on God.

Mr. Baucham recognizes the purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God, to produce Godly offspring, and the decisions we make in this regard have lasting influence over generations. 

Ministry of Marriage

Mr. Baucham drives home the various aspects of the ministry that is to be accomplished through marriage: transformation of the culture, spiritual health and growth, training future leaders, illustrating God's relationship with the church. Baucham further explains that marriage is the preferred state, and expected state at some time in the future of our children and that they need to be prepared to be a minister in their marriage and family.

A Father's Role

Mr. Baucham defines the role fathers have to fulfill by looking at Old testament patriarchy and what he calls Gospel patriarchy. The bottom line is fathers have a responsibility to protect and provide for their families both physically and spiritually. This includes, yet is not limited to, seeing that their children are situated well in marriages that bless the children.

He must be

Voddie Baucham spends a chapter on each of the essential qualities a candidate must have.  With each of these he provides details on why these are requirements and what they should look like. Among these are:

• Follower of Christ
• Prepared to Lead
• Lead like Christ (Ephesians 5)
• Committed to Children
  

A qualified candidate must also practice the four P's as Voddie Baucham calls them: provide Protection (physical of course, but more importantly spiritual protection from living a holy life); provision (employment, work ethic, and vision); prophet and priest.

Mr. Baucham spends an entire chapter focusing on the father's responsibility to protect in the courtship process. Just what does he maintain needs to be protected? Our Daughter's purity, her heart, her focus (the specific calling God has for her life), her future spouse (from errors made from settling for less) and her hope (that there is a man who is worthy).

Can't Find One... Build One

This chapter was the most influential of those in the book in my life. I was reminded that my role as a gospel patriarch is to be more than a protector of my daughter. I came to recognize that whether or not a courtship ends in the marriage of my daughter, the young man who seeks her should leave encouraged, blessed and built up, better prepared for his future role as a gospel patriarch.

In regards to communicating the need for preparing for proper courtship (on the part of the son and daughter) and the qualities desired in a man, I cannot recommend "What He Must Be: ...if he wants to marry my daughter" by Voddie Baucham, Jr. highly enough. In fact, this is likely to become one of the books I hand out to dads I encounter in my journey to eternity, to encourage them in preparing their children for marriage.

Next Review:
Radical, by David Platt

Current Reading:
Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Crazy Love, Francis Chan

Sarah Palin and 'Neanderthals'

Once it again it becomes painfully clear that Feminism has become entrenched in the ranks of conservatives. Sarah Palin has made it clear that she believes working outside the home is a more noble task than staying home and rearing Godly offspring, passing on the faith to the next generation and encouraging them to do so with their children.

"It kind of seems, Geraldine, that some things haven't changed," Palin said. "There are still the Neanderthals out there who pick on the petty, little, superficial, meaningless things – like looks, like whether you can or can't work outside of the home if you have small children – all those type of things where I would so hope that at some point those Neanderthals will evolve into something a bit more with it, a bit more modern, and a bit more understanding that, yeah, women can accomplish much."
--Palin blasts 'Neanderthals,' defends Democrat woman

Mrs. Palin implies here that working in the home, rearing Godly children, is less of an accomplishment than say, running for office, being a brain surgeon... and perhaps even working at a fast food restaurant. It disappoints me that it is necessary to resort to name calling, appealing to modern culture and stigmatizing rather than addressing issues with reason and reference to the scriptures.

Are women forbidden to work outside the home?
No, a quick look at Proverbs 31 clearly indicates that this is not necessarily the case.

However, this does not give a blanket affirmation that working outside the home is the best option. One must examine the roles of men and women as presented in God's Word, if we are to function as intended. We should be looking for what is normative in God's eyes, not the exceptions which we than seek to be the new normative.

Gen 2:20-22 ESV
(20) The man gave names
to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field.
But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.
(21) So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man,
and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.
(22) And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man
he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

In this narrative it is clear that God has created with clear intention. There is an order, and woman was separated from man, for man, to help him accomplish God's intended purpose through them. Just as man's purpose is to fulfill God's will, the woman is to assist the man in fulfilling what God has given him to do.

This is also not an isolated, misinterpretation. Consider Jesus words:

Mat 19:3-6 ESV
(3) And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking,
"Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?"
(4) He answered,
"Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
(5) and said,
'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?
(6) So they are no longer two but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together,
let not man separate."

While this passage speaks to divorce, Jesus makes the foundation of his statement the historical reality of the Genesis account.

The issue at hand is "Will we recognize, accept and obey God's Word as given to us, or not?"

I've been the 'Mr. Mom' for 8-10 years of our marriage; homeschooling, child rearing and keeping house. I know first hand the joys, struggles and most importantly the value of raising Godly children. I also recognize how much against my nature it was to fulfill that role, and that I only did it out of the necessity of love for my God, my wife and my children. Even now we are dealing with the aftermath of this situation.

1Co 6:12 ESV
(12) "All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful.
"All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything.

These words of Paul speak to how one eats, specifically to how a believer should eat, yet clearly have application to a broader range of topics related to the example of how a believer behaves. The bottom line for the believer is to be obedient to God's design, purpose and HIS Word.

Respectfully, Mrs. Palin, your accessment of raising children and assisting your man to achieve God's purposes is highly inaccurate, as there is no higher calling for a woman.
--
BE