As a father raising children to become God-fearing, responsible adults, I have often wanted a manual, a play book for how to prepare my children for courtship, for selecting the God-fearing mate that has been prepared for them. I have read a number books related to this subject and I find "What He Must Be: ...if he wants to marry my daughter" by Voddie Baucham, Jr. to be the easiest to read on the subject while compromising on nothing. His thinking parallels that of Phil Lancaster in "Family Man, Family Leader," who I believe does a more through examination of the subject. Yet, Mr. Baucham has produced a more direct book with more potential to change the way Christian fathers lead their families through the courtship process. In the end I wholeheartedly endorse both books. I am more likely to hand any man "What He Must Be", and "Family Man, Family Leader" to those who are deeper thinkers.
Throughout the book, Mr. Baucham uses well researched statistics, numerous personal antidotes (which as particular value as he illustrates how God has saved his marriage from the troubled backgrounds of both he and his wife). More importantly he clearly illustrates the how God's Word applies to the institution of marriage.
Multigenerational Vision
Mr. Baucham writes not with the purpose of helping a man chose a daughter's mate. Nor is it about prearranged marriages. Instead he writes to help his readers learn what to look for in suitors and that daughters might be discerning about those who come calling, instead of allowing momentary, physical impulses to make life long decisions. He writes to encourage partnership between daughter and parents in the decision making process. He also writes to recognize our dependence on God.
Mr. Baucham recognizes the purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God, to produce Godly offspring, and the decisions we make in this regard have lasting influence over generations.
Ministry of Marriage
Mr. Baucham drives home the various aspects of the ministry that is to be accomplished through marriage: transformation of the culture, spiritual health and growth, training future leaders, illustrating God's relationship with the church. Baucham further explains that marriage is the preferred state, and expected state at some time in the future of our children and that they need to be prepared to be a minister in their marriage and family.
A Father's Role
Mr. Baucham defines the role fathers have to fulfill by looking at Old testament patriarchy and what he calls Gospel patriarchy. The bottom line is fathers have a responsibility to protect and provide for their families both physically and spiritually. This includes, yet is not limited to, seeing that their children are situated well in marriages that bless the children.
He must be
Voddie Baucham spends a chapter on each of the essential qualities a candidate must have. With each of these he provides details on why these are requirements and what they should look like. Among these are:
- Follower of Christ
- Prepared to Lead
- Lead like Christ (Ephesians 5)
- Committed to Children
A qualified candidate must also practice the four P's as Voddie Baucham calls them: provide Protection (physical of course, but more importantly spiritual protection from living a holy life); provision (employment, work ethic, and vision); prophet and priest.
Mr. Baucham spends an entire chapter focusing on the father's responsibility to protect in the courtship process. Just what does he maintain needs to be protected? Our Daughter's purity, her heart, her focus (the specific calling God has for her life), her future spouse (from errors made from settling for less) and her hope (that there is a man who is worthy).
Can't Find One... Build One
This chapter was the most influential of those in the book in my life. I was reminded that my role as a gospel patriarch is to be more than a protector of my daughter. I came to recognize that whether or not a courtship ends in the marriage of my daughter, the young man who seeks her should leave encouraged, blessed and built up, better prepared for his future role as a gospel patriarch.
In regards to communicating the need for preparing for proper courtship (on the part of the son and daughter) and the qualities desired in a man, I cannot recommend "What He Must Be: ...if he wants to marry my daughter" by Voddie Baucham, Jr. highly enough. In fact, this is likely to become one of the books I hand out to dads I encounter in my journey to eternity, to encourage them in preparing their children for marriage.
Next Review:
Radical, by David Platt
Current Reading:
Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Crazy Love, Francis Chan
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